You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
