you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
