make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
