I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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