I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
