The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize