Where did you get a picture of my penis
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
