He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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