Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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