I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
