This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
