In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
