he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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