I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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