Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
