I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
