we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
