the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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