When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
