Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And then he peed in my hair
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