Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
