Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
