..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
