I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
