im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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