Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
