Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
