I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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