these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
someone owes me an orgasm
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
