and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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