when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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