yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
