I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize