So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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