My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
