Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
