Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
