If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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