my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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