So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize