your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
