Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize