i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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