he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
