These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
