He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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