also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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