she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
worst night to have a conscience
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
