Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
