The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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