we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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