Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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