i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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