I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
