I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
