im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
