You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
