"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
