I love having hate sex.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
