there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
