Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
