im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I touched a dick in church today
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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