so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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