believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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