You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
