I faked an abortion last night.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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