Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
