So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
