that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
