No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
